I met my bestie when we were 23 years old. I was going through some pretty major changes and a lot of it was a spiritual reset. She and I clicked instantly. We're both Pisces, poetry lovers, and at the time, we were both in the hair industry. Being best friends was no option. It was as if the Universe said, "Here's your best friend. Now go play." Throughout the years, and it's been quite a few, she and I have always been there for each other to pull one through whatever rough patch they were having.
Alicia moved back home to Worcester, Massachusetts and I felt a huge part of me break in a million pieces. We lost touch a little, but never completely. We stayed in contact through email and text mostly and every now and then, a rare prize of a 20-minute phone call. But, each attempt at keeping in touch never felt like an attempt. It was like I had just seen her the other day and she lived down the road, but I was just too lazy to go over to her house. When she flew down to North Carolina to visit me it was like nothing had changed in our relationship. Except that we were just so stoked to actually see each other!
So, the phone calls have become less rare. And my bestie is doing what she does best right now. She has committed to making herself better for her. See, here's the thing about us. We are not the type of people to settle with the way we feel about ourselves if it's anything other than elated. We are, however, the type of people to obsess over our own faults. It eats us up and it spits us out in a ball of unrecognizable broken clump of self-destruction. So, while we're lying on the proverbial ground, we take a good long look at the slime this monster has left us covered in and we say, "This is bullshit."
And we make a change. Now, Alicia is great at changes. She has a plan. She is determined and motivated and UN.STOPPABLE. Seriously. This girl will plow you down if you stand in her way. And I love it about her! So she tells me about her plan to rebuild herself and over the past few months, I have seen this woman in action from afar and I have to say- she never ceases to amaze me in her strength. And I said, "I need to jump, too." This chick took a running start and soared off the broken and crumbling bridge that was collapsing before her very eyes. She could have simply crumbled with it but instead she realized that she didn't have to. She didn't want to!
My husband has always been a pretty active person. He's always played basketball and exercised. He came to me the other night and he really had a vision about the life he wants versus the life he has- we have. He works two hours away (I know... it's awful!) and he's gone most of the day. We really only get a few hours together each night. Neither of us are very active right now. We talked about how we want our kids to have an active lifestyle instead of being teenagers that just sit in front of the tv all day when they're older. And we came to an agreement that the lack of activity is what is causing us to feel so exhausted lately. Even depressed. And it's not going to change unless we do something about it. So, we've made a horrible, terrible plan... and I only say that because I know it's going to suck in the beginning. We will be doing a 4:30 am workout together. Like I said, horrible, but! I know that in the long run, this will only serve to help me soar higher and longer.
I refuse to crumble with this bridge of disgust, of inadequacy, of self-destruction. I will start thinking positively again. I will start doing things that make me feel good again! I will soar.
If your friends jumped off the bridge, I ask you- Would you do it too?