Something Different


It's been a little bit since I've posted a blog. You know, my original intention was to make a blog post at least once a week. Well, life happens and I'm lucky to make a blog post once a year now, it seems. But I want to change that.

In fact, there are a lot of things I would like to change. And not just the non-stop tantrums and fighting between two toddlers in my house. Some things are trivial - like making a grocery list every week on the same day so we're not scrambling to get dinner ready at 5:30pm when dinner time is supposed to be at 5. But some things are pretty hefty...

Change is not always a bad thing. Sure, routine and a schedule are great, but I'm talking about inner change that reflects itself on the outside. Or even outside change that results in something inside shifting. I used to be one of those people that spent an hour a day meditating, another hour doing yoga, and, somehow, still balancing a 12-hour work day with time for friends (and partying). But, I'm not 25 anymore. Hell, I'm not even 30 anymore! Let's face it... being a mother changed a LOT of things. And that change was much needed.

I watched my kids today while they played. I watched them run around barefoot in the grass. I watched my daughter shove a fistful of sand in her mouth only to spit it out and say, "Yuck! That's not good!" and I laughed. I watched my son for an hour as he played with his Legos and created an imaginary world of his own, even naming one Lego man "Scarlet". I listened as he sang made-up songs in the car ride to get french fries. And you're probably wondering what all this has to do with anything about change.

Here's what changed. Today... I was quiet. Of course, I broke up the battles over who owns the red hero cape even though there are literally 10 other capes to play with and 3 of them are red, and I made it clear for the 15 millionth time today that there will STILL be no spitting, or hitting, or yelling in people's faces. But, for the first time in a very long time, I just sat and listened and watched with little involvement. And I marveled at how different I saw things. I wasn't focused on teaching them anything today. I wasn't focused on making them do things a certain way today. I wasn't focused on anything other than seeing my children as children.

And it was exactly what I needed. As an individual who is no stranger to chakra cleansing and mantras, today was something different in a similar way. Today, I was cleansed by my kids. Today, I was reminded to walk barefoot in the damp grass and connect with Mother Earth again. Today, I was inspired to create and imagine. Today, I listened to the music all around me and I remembered that I don't have to find peace in time spent meditating alone.

Does this mean I'll be changing everything about me and the way I am? Not even close. It just means I'm going to change the way I connect with myself. Instead of focusing on trying to figure out when I'm going to be able to go back to meditating and yoga, I'm going to focus on how I can incorporate those little teachings into small moments. After all, that's what the practice is about, right? Maybe all those years spent with my eyes closed and focusing inward was really prepping me for this a-ha moment where I realize that peace absolutely can come from keeping your eyes open and focusing on everything else around you.

I'd love to hear about the changes you're making in your own life. Comment and tell me about your a-ha moments. Share your stories of personal change. And as always, find ways to tell yourself you matter. If you don't already, that's definitely a change you should make.