Deflect the Deflection

Today, we're going to tackle something important. Too often, we as women deflect. You all know what I'm talking about.

Compliment: "You look so good today!"

You deflect: "Oh please, I really need to lose weight."

Compliment: "Oh my god, I love your outfit!"

Deflection: "Oh, yeah, I've had this thing for forever..."

Compliment: "I seriously don't know how you do it. I am in awe of your strength."

Deflection: "You don't see me when I'm screaming and yelling!"

No. No more of that. Today, we will give each other compliments and we will ALL work on fighting that need to deflect. If you're in the grocery store today and someone compliments you, I want to say, "Thank you for that. I really needed that today!" Because you know what? That makes the other person feel good too.

Because when someone gives you a compliment, they are essentially giving you their energy, their love. When you deflect that compliment, you're deflecting their energy; deflecting their love. Think about how you feel when you compliment someone and they push it away. You feel rejected. You feel like you have to try harder. And eventually, you just stop complimenting, right?

So, stop that. Stop deflecting. Stop rejecting other people's love and acknowledgment and recognition of something they think is amazing- YOU!

Here's what I propose and I challenge. Today, I want you to not only accept compliments, but I want you to give them. When you give them, and someone deflects, I want you to tell them, "No. You deserve that. I see it in you and you're amazing." And when someone gives YOU a compliment, I want you to say Thank You. And I want you to believe it. Believe it with all you heart. Tell yourself, "I deserve that! You damn right I'm fabulous!"

We are doing no one any good by deflecting. What we are really telling others and ourselves is that we are not worthy of love. And what happens when you tell yourself something over and over and over again? You start to believe it.

Don't give in to that shit. Do NOT for one second, ever, believe you are unworthy of love. You are so worthy. Now, your call to action-

Has someone complimented you today? Tell me about it. Leave me a comment on what the compliment was and how it made you feel! Did you deflect or did you accept? If you deflected, what would have been different if you had accepted that compliment?

By the way... you're fucking awesome.

*Photo courtesy of Google Images

*Photo courtesy of Google Images

Imagined Alter Ego

For the most part, this blog usually contains posts about me. My life, my thoughts, opinions, all those little philosophical moments that happen due to everyday life situations. But, today, I'm going to do something a little different. Today, I'm going to put someone else in the spotlight!

If you met my friend Ginny, based on first appearances, you'd probably have her pegged as a conservative, white-picket fence living, Starbucks drinking,  "no tv for my child", lean meat only type of gal. And, well, you're not wrong. She is definitely conservative in her looks. Silky blonde hair, stunning blue eyes, a killer smile with perfectly straight, bright white teeth, and always dressed at least one notch above "casual". Her casual is my dressy, let's just put it that way. But, don't let her insanely put-together look give you the wrong impression. This woman is fierce, strong, smart, kind, hilarious, and she loves a good social gathering.

Ginny has recently went through a little life change- for the better. Because of this little alteration to her life, she has begun to realize there are facets of her that have never been exposed. There are these little bits and pieces of her that she's always wanted to show, but never had the courage. Or maybe just never the chance!

So, when our other best friend announced a birthday weekend get-away to Asheville, Ginny saw a perfect opportunity to... change up her look a little.

"So many times in life we want to escape and do and be something different than who we are. But we are the choices that we have made and we let the self imposed and societal limitations define us. However today I am my imagined alter ego.🤘" -Ginny

So she threw on some pink hair color, a few too-real looking tatts, hopped into an alley and let one of the many facets of her gorgeous diamond shine bright. 

I introduce to you... Ginny's Imagined Alter Ego!

 

GinnySmiling.JPG

Burn, Baby, Burn!

There's a snowstorm coming! I sure hope everyone got their bread, milk, and eggs! *wink wink*

I want to do something a little different this weekend. Let me tell you a story first.

I was raised by my grandparents but they weren't exactly the spoil-me-rotten type. I mean, they couldn't be. They had to, essentially, be my parents, you know? But, they were older and they were definitely from a different era. Certain things didn't sit well with them and my childhood was a little ... sheltered. I remember when I was about 12 or so. I had been a straight A student and very studious. My grandfather overheard me talking with my grandmother about college. Yes, at age 12 I was already thinking about college. He asked what I wanted to study in college. I told him I wanted to be a lawyer.

"A lawyer??" He laughed. "You're not smart enough to be a lawyer." That's when I got my first B. I was crushed.

When I was 14, I was looking at art schools. I wanted to do something creative. Something that didn't require books and studying. Something that allowed me to express what I felt inside. Something that spoke when I couldn't.

He asked me again. "I don't know. An artist of some sort. Maybe painting or even photography."

My response was met with the same mocking laughter, except this time, it was a little more harsh. There was a little hint of heat in his eyes. "You might as well just give up. You're not smart enough to do that. You'll never amount to much of anything, anyway."

At age 17, I graduated early in the top 5% of my state. I applied and got accepted into SCAD. I stared at my acceptance letter with tears in my eyes. Tears of joy mixed with tears of disappointment. His voice ripped into my head and reminded me of everything I couldn't be. I tore up the acceptance letter and buried it in the trash.

I buried a lot of things in that trash then. But I buried all the wrong things. I buried things that mattered to me, things that make me who I am. I buried things that should have made me happy. And I kept all the things that made me unhealthy. I kept all the judgement, all the ridicule, all the scorn, and hate and anger and frustration and embarrassment and self-harm. I kept all the darkest parts right on the surface of me.

And I buried all the light.

Have you ever been made to feel like you were something less? Maybe you were bullied by the Mean Girls in school. Maybe a boy teased you about your acne. Maybe you wore a smokin' hot pair of electric blue vinyl pants and you felt more confident than you ever had and you were told that your thighs just don't fit the pants, even though you were a size 0. Maybe you've never been a size 0 and that's what you carry around.

So, I want to get rid of all that. I'm holding a virtual bonfire during this amazing snowstorm and I'm inviting all of you to sit with me and enjoy the warmth, the welcoming, the love... the Light. Throw all of your darkness into the fire and watch that shit burn.

I'm throwing mine in. Will you join me? Leave a comment to let everyone know what you're burning. Then, end it with the only thing that remains. Fire and Light.

* Bonfire photo not property of TTGP. Photo credit: static.pixels.com

*Bonfire photo not property of TTGP. Photo credit: static.pixels.com

Let's Talk About Resolutions.

2017 is almost here. It's almost time to watch the ball drop. It's almost time to toast your friends, family, loved ones, pets, or whomever you've decided to spend this momentous occasion with. Hell, maybe you'll be sleeping! (I have to admit, I've opted for sleep on numerous occasions myself!) But, the fact is this: It's almost here.

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Party Party Party!

This weekend was amazing. But, let me just say... it almost wasn't!

This weekend we had our very first Boudoir Parties. You could say it was our very own private Grand Opening. We've been planning these two parties for quite some time now. This was no last minute decision! My husband and I were out doing some last minute shopping for the events and I wanted everything to be perfect! I had a vision in my head and I just was not seeing it coming to reality.

We're in the middle of Wal-Mart. If you know me, even in the slightest, you know I absolutely oathe this store. I think it's safe to say most people have mutual feelings about this place. But, we shop there because it's convenient, it's cheap, and let's face it, it's the only place open 24 hours in this small little town! So, here we are, standing in Wal-Mart at 10pm, and it seriously took me an hour of wondering the fabric section to finally decide on white drapes. Like I said, I had a vision and I needed it to be what I saw in my head. After getting the drapes, I was thrilled and ready to bust out of there and get home to my bed to rest up for a spectacular day in the morning!

...that didn't happen. Instead, I had a full-on anxiety attack in the middle of Wally World. My husband made a comment about decorations and I was so overwhelmed at that moment that all I could think in my head is "This isn't going to be what I want! It's going to be horrible!" My husband put his arms around this hyperventilating, sniffling, trembling ball of nerves and quietly said, "Hey... it's going to be great! We'll get what you need, ok?"

As I started to relax and listen to his words, I knew he was right. I started to breath a little deeper. I started to see a little clearer. I started to get excited again.

And let me tell you. I am so glad I did! I know they say positive thinking will gain positive results, but this is truly something I believe in. If I had stuck with the thought that it was going to be ruined, it would have been! But I believed it was going to rock and I can honestly say I am so beyond excited for the next party!

So, if you're reading this, know that all it takes sometimes is just a change in your thoughts. I see it all the time with the women in front of my camera. I see their body language change from timid and unsure to powerful and confident! I see their camera dodging eyes and  slumping shoulders change to piercing sultry eyes and proud stances. Why? Because they allowed their thoughts to change. They stopped thinking "I'm ugly/I'm fat/I'm flawed" and started KNOWING "I'm BEAUTIFUL!/I'm SEXY!/I'm PERFECT!" It. Is. Amazing.

I challenge you to change one negative thought about yourself into a positive one. Do it for one week. Get excited about yourself! For many, it will be a familiar feeling. For some, it will be the first time. But for all, it should be a feeling that never leaves.

* Cookies created by Kaitydid's Creations located in Mount Airy, NC.

*Cookies created by Kaitydid's Creations located in Mount Airy, NC.

* Cakepops created by Roxane Cann of Mount Airy, NC.

*Cakepops created by Roxane Cann of Mount Airy, NC.

You're So Vain. You Should Be!

I bet you think this post is about you. And you're right. It is about you.

It's about you and it's about me and it's about every single person out there that needs a little reminder that at the beginning of each day, they should look in the mirror and love what they see.

Today, I went to pay a bill. It's one of those bills that you have to pay in person to avoid a processing fee that's almost half the amount of the bill itself. Ridiculous, I know. But, I went in anyway. Now, I have to let you know something. I'm the mother of two children- a boy who turns four in December and a girl who turns two in June. I barely get the time to put on pants much less get all pretty-fied to go out. I also have to let you know something else. This routine that I have now is a DRASTIC change from what I had before children. Let me run through my morning routine before kids:

I woke up early. Took a shower. A luxurious one where I shaved and shampooed my hair and thought about all the gloriousness that the day was going to offer. I slathered myself in smell-good lotion (I personally love A Thousand Wishes by Bath & Body Works) and spent the next two hours on my face and hair. I moisturized, primed, prepped, and contoured. I used three foundations plus two concealers. I used a minimum of two mascaras and two blushes, four eyeshadows, and two brow products. I also used a minimum of three lip products. When I was finished... I was flawless.

Fast-forward to today where I run around looking for pants, spray some dry shampoo (this one by Batiste works amazingly) on my three day old hair in a ponytail (I don't have time to shampoo this mane everyday when I've got an almost 4-year old that knows how to climb cabinets and use scissors!), and manage to grab some chapstick as I grab the keys to leave the house while repeating, "Yes, buddy, I've got your juice! Yes, we're going bye-bye. Let's go to the car! C'mon!" There is no time for getting pretty-fied. Oh, deodorant. I unlock the door and run in to apply deodorant. This routine has no room for contouring. Or even ONE foundation! Can a mama get some mascara?! No? Ok...

So, I go in to pay this bill- one child on my hip and the other holding my hand while I repeat, "Ok, buddy, no touching. Stay with Mommy. If you stay with Mommy, I'll get you a cheeseburger!" As I walk up to the counter, I immediately felt like Frump of the Year. Standing in front of me was this absolutely gorgeous, young, blonde that looked like she was the hand-picked princess of Fairies. Her skin glowed with youth and her eyes were bright and clear. Her makeup was soft and dewy in just the right places. Her lips were highlighted in all the right spots and those lashes went on for days. As I left, I thought back to the time where I used to pull that off, too.

But, you know what else I realized? I'm vain. But I don't think being vain is a bad thing, necessarily! Vain is defined as "having or showing an excessively high opinion of one's appearance, abilities, or worth." What's so bad about having an opinion that you are amazing? What is bad about thinking that you're above average and you should treat yourself as such? I don't think a damn thing is bad about that. You don't have to apply 32 different products to your face to be beautiful, and you don't need to look like the girl behind the counter to be above average. You already are both of those things.

If you're a mom with kids who never has a moment of peace to shower, if you're a woman who just feels like she's a little below standard, or if you're just an individual feeling that you need a reminder today, this is for you.

You're so Vain. And you should be.