There's a snowstorm coming! I sure hope everyone got their bread, milk, and eggs! *wink wink*
I want to do something a little different this weekend. Let me tell you a story first.
I was raised by my grandparents but they weren't exactly the spoil-me-rotten type. I mean, they couldn't be. They had to, essentially, be my parents, you know? But, they were older and they were definitely from a different era. Certain things didn't sit well with them and my childhood was a little ... sheltered. I remember when I was about 12 or so. I had been a straight A student and very studious. My grandfather overheard me talking with my grandmother about college. Yes, at age 12 I was already thinking about college. He asked what I wanted to study in college. I told him I wanted to be a lawyer.
"A lawyer??" He laughed. "You're not smart enough to be a lawyer." That's when I got my first B. I was crushed.
When I was 14, I was looking at art schools. I wanted to do something creative. Something that didn't require books and studying. Something that allowed me to express what I felt inside. Something that spoke when I couldn't.
He asked me again. "I don't know. An artist of some sort. Maybe painting or even photography."
My response was met with the same mocking laughter, except this time, it was a little more harsh. There was a little hint of heat in his eyes. "You might as well just give up. You're not smart enough to do that. You'll never amount to much of anything, anyway."
At age 17, I graduated early in the top 5% of my state. I applied and got accepted into SCAD. I stared at my acceptance letter with tears in my eyes. Tears of joy mixed with tears of disappointment. His voice ripped into my head and reminded me of everything I couldn't be. I tore up the acceptance letter and buried it in the trash.
I buried a lot of things in that trash then. But I buried all the wrong things. I buried things that mattered to me, things that make me who I am. I buried things that should have made me happy. And I kept all the things that made me unhealthy. I kept all the judgement, all the ridicule, all the scorn, and hate and anger and frustration and embarrassment and self-harm. I kept all the darkest parts right on the surface of me.
And I buried all the light.
Have you ever been made to feel like you were something less? Maybe you were bullied by the Mean Girls in school. Maybe a boy teased you about your acne. Maybe you wore a smokin' hot pair of electric blue vinyl pants and you felt more confident than you ever had and you were told that your thighs just don't fit the pants, even though you were a size 0. Maybe you've never been a size 0 and that's what you carry around.
So, I want to get rid of all that. I'm holding a virtual bonfire during this amazing snowstorm and I'm inviting all of you to sit with me and enjoy the warmth, the welcoming, the love... the Light. Throw all of your darkness into the fire and watch that shit burn.
I'm throwing mine in. Will you join me? Leave a comment to let everyone know what you're burning. Then, end it with the only thing that remains. Fire and Light.